Ink, NOT Mink.

Loving PETA's Ink, Not Mink series.

What more could a girl ask for? Sigh...

Sigh...

I now know for certain that KD is sooo comel whenever we watch documentaries on animals on TV.

Observe...

Watching a documentary on Anacondas...

KD : Aafin!! Ape tu? Yang besar tu?

Me : Oh, tu capybara.

KD : Amende tu?

Me : Tah...dia macam beaver kot.

KD : Oh, tapi dia ada kaki la??

Me : $%^&**%$#@#$%^&*%$#@&^%$# BEAVER TAKDE KAKI LA PULAAKKKK!!

LMAO.ROTFLMAO.LOL.LOLLL!

Btw, I googled capybaras later and found out that they're NOT like beavers. They're rodents. Huge ass rodents and are the biggest mammals in South America.

See, we ALL learnt something today. Nggeeeee!

Papa, can you hear me?

Spice-saayyhhh!

Don't worry honey, Papa should be able to hear you loud and clear now..

Regrets, I've had a few...

...this ain't one of them.

Sape tah yang nak PUBLIC APOLOGY tu??

choyh.

*Drumroll*

HAPPY

BIRTHDAY

MALAYSIA!!!

Selamat Hari Malaysia, loves!!

teeheeheee..

Stick it where the Sun don't shine.

Dearly DePORTed,

We are gathered here to witness your stupidity.

Have you ever considered the fact that maybe..just maybe...you're not good enough for us?

Think about it.

Besides, no one's twisting your arm, go back if you want to. My country can do without a few shiny trinkets and glossy paper. Ouh, and you can take your so-called "knight in shining armour" with you. I'm sure we can live with one less idiot.

BTW, just wondering..if ze business is doing sooo well, and you're indeed "enriching" our economy as you claim you are, then how come 200 bucks is an issue? Oh sorry, 400 bucks, cuz u gotta pay for that thing on your leash.

...aaannd.. you blame the crappy administration?? NO ONE talks smack about my government but the people who have bloody well earned the right to do so, the people who stood in line and voted, the people whose blood spilled for this country's freedom and sovereignty. WE are Malaysians.

You do not have the courtesy, the grace, or the guts to be a citizen of MY country.

Puh-leasee...

BTW, the 31st of August is NOT Malaysia's birthday. On the 31st of August 1957, MALAYA gained independence from the British. And zen, on the 16th of September 1963, Malaya joined Sabah, Sarawak and Singapore to form MALAYSIA. Singapore left the federation in 1965 to became an independent state. Kapish? Go learn our history first, okay?

Who says I'm not patriotic? teehee..

Everything needs Strategy.

So... I'm guessing (hoping) you've all heard of this little establishment...

If you haven't, well, it's okay...just stick to your nasi campur and warungs and stuff. (Yes offence)

They have all this raw food (chicken, beef, lamb, seafood, veggies) marinated in a million different ways and displayed as such...

and zen, when you've taken your pick...you grill/boil them yourself like this...

Genius ain't it?

...and before I forget, it's served as a buffet so once you've paid, free-flow baby.

I've been to buffets before but Seoul Garden is very much different. Ask anyone who's been there and they'll tell you the same thing.

The fact that you cook your own meal makes you forget how much you're really putting into that tummy of yours. Before you know it, you're bloated as a pumpkin. Trust me, been there. A friend of mine actually blew chunks after eating there. True story...

So, like I always say..there should always a strategy for everything you do and here are my strategies/tips for a meal at Seoul Garden. I dub thee, Death by Barbeque *shivers*

Pre-Death by Barbeque (DBB)

1. Plan ahead with your friends. DBB cannot be a spur of the moment thing.

2. Save up! Obviously you need moolah and DBB ain't cheap. Prices vary according to outlets. Do check before you go.

3. Book a table if you think there's gonna be a rush of people especially during weekends and currently, during buka puasa.

On the day of DBB

1. If you're having DBB for lunch, I suggest you skip breakfast but don't keep your tummy empty!! Drink Milo or have a light sandwich. You'll eat better if your tummy's not completely empty.

2. If you're having DBB for dinner, then have breakfast followed by a very verrryy light lunch. A salad/sandwich would be good. Remember, it's all about creating space. Loads and loads of space in your tummy.

3. Make sure you wear loose-fitting clothes and pants. Ladies, No tight shirts, and absolutely NO TIGHT JEANS. You're gonna end up busting your zipper at the table or worst, you might cut the blood circulation your brain because girlfriend, you are gonna bloat like no one's business. I'm dead serious.

During DBB

1. Pace yourself. You don't have to grill everything at once. It IS a buffet so you ARE allowed to take food more than once, ya'know? So chill, take your time.

2. You've paid for the food, so try everything once (unless you detest it or you're allergic to it).

3. Cook it well! Don't get impatient and start eating everything under-cooked. You're responsible for preparing your meal, so you're responsible for whether or not you get sick after eating it. Kapish?

4. ...aannd do not waste! Take what you need, if you've taken more, then try to finish it because Seoul Garden charges for wastage - RM5 for every 100gm wasted. Chingg!!

5. For smokers, do what I do, take ciggie breaks in the middle of your meal. It helps!! But don't pause for too long, because after 20 minutes your tummy will send signals to your brain telling your body that you're full. Then, the fun stops. :(

Post-DBB

1. If you're still standing, Hurrraahhhhh! The hardest part is over!

2. Walk slowly towards your car and head home. Shopping is not a good idea after DBB. Just. Head. HOME. Why didn't you shop before you ate, hmm?

3. Take a dump. I know, TMI. But, seriously. Take a dump.

4. Avoid Seoul Garden for at least another month or two if you know what's best for your body AND your wallet. ;))

Well, that about sums it all up. Good Luck!!!

Teehehee.

S.M.

They Rawk Each Other's Sawks Off!

So, this is my take on the Top 10 celebrity couples whom I think have hot, hot sex. Let's start from ze bottom, shall we?

TEN.

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.

I just recently watched "The Scarlet Letter" and yes, Demi was lookin' pretty awesome wayy back in 1995. Let's face it, she still looks hawt today and Ashton is Ashton, what more can I say? I'm bettin' these two make sweet, sweet romance in the sack ;))

NINE.

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian

In my opinion, this one's on Khloe. She openly talks about her sexual desires and what she's done in the bedroom. If you've watched episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, you know what I mean. They can't keep their hands off of each other and are always touchy feely whether they realise it or not. So yeah, that's hot!

EIGHT.

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi

Come on..they look like two people who like to get freaky deaky in the bedroom. Well, I think so.. Yumm.. :P

SEVEN.

Djimon Hounsou and Kimora Lee Simmons

My fav couple ;) how can they not be on the list? She's friggin' tall + mega fabulous and he's, well..dashing...in a very exotic, mysterious kind of way. I like to imagine what they do, so yeah, that's why they're on the list *wink, wink...

SIX.

Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox

Okay, first of all, she's Megan Fox. Second of all, he ain't that cute, so how else do you think he got Megan friggin' Fox to marry him? `Nuff said.

FIVE.

Heidi Klum and Seal

Ughh, I Loooveee them! The fact that she's a Victoria Secret Angel and he's got the voice of an angel and you don't know what she sees in him..bla bla blaa.... I'm very very sure they make beautiful, melodious music together in the bedroom. Raawwrr...

FOUR.

Katy Perry and Russell Brand

You know that feeling you get, when you look at a couple and say to yourself "I bet they have great sex" So yeah, this is what I always say to myself when I look at these two. I think they have hawt, steamy, tantric sex. Ooo yeah, I said tantric.

THREE.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

Have you seen Mr. & Mrs. Smith?? Then you know what I mean. Remember that fight scene they had in the living room? Rough and tumble, baby...Aiiyaiyaiiii...

TWO.

Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson

He's a goth god and she's a tv vampire. How awesome is that?? Plus, have you seen his video clips?? If you haven't, go download them, it's like cheap porn on steroids. I bet they tie each other up and go all latex on each other. Ahhh, my imagination is running with me...daayuumm!

ONE.

Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin

This real-life engaged couple really, really knows how to turn on the heat on screen and off it! I watched their first sex scene in True Blood, and I still get goosebumps in the right places everytime I watch it again. All their other love making scenes in the series are equally hawt, if not better! Maybe it's the whole vampire sex thing, but whatever it is, they are numero Uno on my list. :))

Honourable mentions:

Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony

John Travolta & Kelly Preston

Jessica Alba & Cash Warren

Ben Affleck & Jennifer Gardner

Think before you Shag.

You know that feeling, that WTF! moment you get very early (or late) in the morning, when you wake up (preferably sober) and there's someone beside you, snoring away...you may or may not know this person (that's your business, I don't judge). Well, here's a few things you can do to avoid these moments.

Think BEFORE you SHAG.

1. If you're scared of STD's, and you should be, slap on the friggin' condom. They're cheap and available everywhere. For heaven's sake, if you're having sex, then you shouldn't be ashamed of buying one over the counter. Keep a packet in your handbag if you're out to get a lil' sumthin' sumthin'. Keep a packet on your nightstand/in your drawer. There is NO RULE saying that the dude is responsible for safe sex. It should be your responsibility.

2. If you're pro-life, meaning you're against abortion, then get a diaphragm, a cervical cap, spermicide, The Pill, two layers of condoms, ANYTHING. Don't leave your fate hanging in the balance. More often than not, lady luck's not gonna be on your side. Newsflash: Condoms ARE NOT 100% effective. Period.

3. If you've slept with this person before, and you dread doing it again, then you shouldn't be sleeping with him. Ever.

4. If you're embarrassed about being naked in front of the dude, other than in bed, i.e. taking showers together or changing in front of him, then you shouldn't be shagging him in the first place.

5. If he makes you feel like a cheap whore, in a bad way, then you shouldn't be sleeping with him. (Yes, there is a good way, only some men know how to do that. teeehehe.)

6. If this man is not your boyfriend and he has certain features that you don't like. For example; bad breath, body odour, kisses like a duck, can't make you orgasm for nuts, either get him to do better or walk away. If he is your boyfriend, do something about it.

Get it?

Got it?

Good.

Happy shagging,

S.M.

Why am I talking about this?

Because you're not.

Inevitable, I guess...

Okay, *deep breath...*

I don't want us to end.

*sigh....

Family Business.

Adding to the massive empire that is, The Kardashians.

Behold...

Oh yes, boys and girls, that's Kendall Jenner looking effing hot!

Careful boys, I think she's still a minor. Teeheheee ;))

Sheesshh. Tak cukup celebrities lagi ke rumah diorang tu? Still, dia cantik.

For now...this'll do.

Today, I remembered what it felt like to have you around all the time.

To know that you were always there to help me with shit I can't, for the life of me, understand.

I remembered that when you were around, things were just...done. Just like that. I liked that feeling.

Right now...just for this moment.

I miss you, terribly.

...and THAT'S the most honest I've been with myself since you left. Amen.

All that Glitters...

Giuseppe Zanotti Embellished Sandals

RM 6,390.00

Gila.

Eventually...

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."--

Iris Simpkins, The Holiday (2006).

Pretty much sums it all up. To the damn letter.

Not. Cool.

There you go again, still digging, I see.

Just when I thought you couldn't dig any deeper, you went ahead and proved me wrong. Thank you for that, I now have something to laugh about again.

Remember how you claimed to be strong, confident, beautiful, amazingly amazing and all that other bull crap? Finally, through all that, you ended up with a man who beats up women. How's that for hypocritical bullshit?

The worst part is, you know the stories about this man. YOU FUCKING KNOW! Why? Because he used to date your friend. Remember? She told you the stories. All the stories. The stories that made you cringe. Made you hug her with sympathy. Made you tear up. Remember? Very uncool of you, darling.

To top it all off, you broke the very first rule of feminism. You do not date your friend's ex boyfriend. No matter what, we girls just don't do that. You don't see us coming after your leftovers now, do you? Well, considering the fact that your exes were never up to our standards, that's quite easy to understand. But that's beside the point.

Oh and I'm sorry, does he fit your long checklist of men that you've been bragging about? Let's see, I only remember two, the rest were just absurd.

1. Non-smoker - Whooppss, he smokes like a chimney.

2. Traditional and won't "touch" you before marriage - Dang it! He loves to fuck, doesn't he? I've heard stories. Burrrnnnn.

And honey, if you want to keep something a secret, don't blab it to the biggest blabber in the classroom. Wrong. Move.

You really have hit the lowest of the low and I have no doubt that you can go lower.

Keep on digging.

This time, don't prove me wrong.

With Love, always,

S.M

Fear of the Unknown.

There is this common misconception that Men are fearless when it comes to sexual intercourse and that Women are the careful ones, the emotional ones. Well, this isn't necessarily true, though. There are some things that we women do that scare the shit out of men when it comes sex. So, ladies...

1. You forgo protection.

Most of us think that men don't want to use condoms during sex because it hinders the "full" experience of it all. Well, some men might say that but then you should be smart enough to know that these are not the men you ought to be getting jiggy with. The men you should be sleeping with feel immense pressure when it comes to having unprotected sex because of the consequences which might follow, i.e. them becoming baby daddies or (God forbid) STD's. So, girls, even if they don't say so, strap on that raincoat, seriously.

2. Post-coital commitment talk.

Men cringe at the thought of their women talking about commitment right after engaging in steamy, hot sex. You telling him that you want a June wedding, 3 children and a penthouse somewhere in the future really does give him the creeps mostly because, after sex, they really want to just sleep it off knowing that they've just given you the best orgasm of your life. Thank your lucky stars that he even wants to cuddle in the first place.

3. You make him your bitch.

Yes, we all love the occasional rough romp in the sack and let's admit it, all the dirty talk really does get us off. However, you have to know that there is a limit. For example, saying "Oh, yeah baby, harder, harder" is very very different from saying "Come on, you bastard, you can fuck me harder than that. What are you a pussy??!!". Get it? So keep the trash talking at bay while having yourselves a jolly good time. He still wants to know that he is in control, so give him that, at least you'll get some good lovin' out of it as well.

4. You think he's a porn star.

If you are having/have had sex, you've most definitely watched porn. Don't think for a second that you're gonna get the same thing you see in those videos. Your boyfriend/husband might not be hung, or that skilled or talented in bed. So don't expect him to do things that he can't do. Excessive demands in the bedroom are one of the things that turn a man off. He likes to think that he knows what he's doing and he's giving you the time of your life. Don't pin your expectations on a porn star who's hung like a horse and does stunts in the bedroom that make your knickers do back flips. Appreciate him for what he's willing to do. Experimentation is fine, but if he doesn't like it, then stop. Sex is a two-way street and he needs to enjoy it as much as you do.

So girls, these are just the few that I've come up with. If any of you know more, please please please comment so that we girls know how you feel about certain things. And yes, you can post as anonymous.

Happy Sex-ing!

S.M.

Grow a Pair!

So, I decided to give my friend, Atan*, a call...cuz I missed him, and wondered of he was around so we could hang out. I called, but he didn't answer. I received a call back a few minutes later...

Me : Hello!

His Girlfriend : Sapa nih? (oh yes, very very bitchy tone)

Me : (very shocked that it was her calling, but that's okay) Oh, Tipah* eh ni?

His Girlfriend : Oh... Fina eh? jap eh.. (from bitchy to guilty in 2 seconds. Dayyuum!)

WHAT THE FRAAAAK?

Dear Men,

If at any point of time in your relationship, you Girlfriend decides to answer your phone calls whenever a girl's name pops up on the screen, consider yourself pussy whipped and that your balls no longer belong to you and are safely tucked in her purse.

Just sayin'...

*names have been altered to protect those involved in this travesty.

We Need a Resolution.

A friend of mine wrote something about the Malaysian movie scene in his blog and it triggered something in my head. Funny how that happens. ;)

Actually, I have talked about this, but I figured. Nyehh, let's just keep talking about it until someone does something about it. Savvy?

Read his post here.

See, in my opinion, the reason why the Malaysian movie scene can't be anymore than it already is, is because of our incessant need to preserve the minds of our younger generation and also to not pollute our culture."Kita bukan mat salleh, ingat boleh buat suke hati ke? Kita ni orang Melayu! Ada adat, ada budi bicara, ada sopan santun!" And it is that kind of thinking that put us here in the first place, and that place, is the crapper. It is this attitude that programs us to fall in love with cheap slapstick comedies such as Atoi or movies about fast cars or our oh-so-beloved rempits (oh, don't get me started on this.)

Secondly, the reason why we're so lagging behind in this industry is the fact that we've been inherently programmed to NOT think outside the box lest we be penalised. Think about it. We make a movie about politics- we get slapped with the ISA. We make a movie about sex- the chances of that movie making it to the silver screen in Malaysia is slim to none and let's face it, the government won't approve of anything with sex in it, unless it happens in Harian Metro or Kosmo! or Mastika. Sheeshh. We make a movie about religion - well, remember the late Yasmin Ahmad's "Muallaf"? 'Nuff said. Even Singapore thought that was a great movie. Muallaf opened in S'pore TWICE. Yup, twice. Oh no wait, they did screen it in Malaysia AFTER she passed away. Too little too late, my friends. Allah bless her soul.

It is this cheap appreciation for honest-to-God movies like these that get us nowhere in the eyes of the world. Because it's not only about movies. Think about it, if you can't appreciate topics such as politics, religion or sex in movies, what does that say about you as a human being? What does that say about us as a society? Are we the type of people who sweep everything under the carpet in hopes that no one ever brings it up again? Well, that's what we're showing everyone.

And please, stop harping on culture and adat sopan santun. We know our limits. We're matured enough to think about what's wrong and what's right. No, I'm not saying we're ALL saints. I'm just saying, don't be so quick to assume that every time a teenager watches Sex and the City, he/she is immediately going to try being promiscuous. Puh-lease. If someone wants to have sex/smoke/get drunk/wear skimpy clothes, it's not because of the movies. I can bet you that!

Come on, grow up.

Funny thing.

I was thinking...we have many many many mutual friends on Facebook, don't we?

Well, by that logic, in order to read your Facebook statuses and ramblings (just in case I haven't laughed my ass off all week), I'd just need to seek help from any one of our mutual friends. and let's face it, they'd be more than willing. ;)

So, again, by that logic, you'd have to block out ALL of our mutual friends so that I wouldn't be able to read said statuses. Am I correct? Woah!! How many friends would that be?

Another option would be to just make everything private so that NO ONE can read it.

Better yet, delete all your friends so it'll just be like you're keeping an online diary. On Facebook.

*gasp!* You know what would be an even better option?

Delete your fucking account.

Keep a journal instead.

Just sayin'...

A Friendly Reminder.

I love witnessing the spectacle of someone digging herself a grave. A grave so deep that it would take her forever to find her way back to the surface.

Yes, I am talking about you.

Honey, I get it, you're defending yourself. And no, it's most definitely not wrong. I'd do it too if I were in your position.

But you see, what you're doing is what our forefathers dubbed "menggali kubur sendiri". Get it? The more you talk/post something online, the deeper you dig and let's face it, you're in waaaayyy deeper than you can handle. With every word you say, every character you type, you're shaving away your dignity piece, by painful piece and as a fellow female, I cannot let you do this to yourself. Well, someone has to be the smart one here, clearly, it's not you.

Why am I saying this? Well, because no matter how big of an idiot you are, we girls still have to stick together. You know? So yes, I do wanna help you, really. Because sweetheart, here are a few things you did wrong;

1. Any sane person knows that the more you keep trying to convince people that you are not desperate, that's how much more desperate you look.

2. Claiming that you are confident, strong, beautiful and independent every single damn day on your posts, really does make you sound weak and pathetic.

3. You so proudly claim that you cannot be controlled by anyone other than the Almighty God Himself and yet, with every single blow from us mere mortals, you seem to have broken piece by piece of your sorry life. (Seriously? Blocking me from your Facebook account? Shheessshh. Last time I checked, I ain't God.)

4. Your English is atrocious.By that reason alone, please spare us the nightmare of having to correct your spelling and grammar in our heads. Even more so, stop humiliating yourself dear ENGLISH TEACHER. (BTW, there is no such thing as being too trustful. Just sayin'...)

The list can go on for hours and hours, but you see, I still mean it, I do wanna help you. I shall stop here.

I know your battle plan. Play the oh-so-vulnerable victim, and see who sympathises with you. Brilliant! Paint me to be the bitch, the slut who sleeps with any walking dick I find. Go ahead. But you see, all these things you say about me are, well, true. So kudos! You're killing me by telling everyone that I am exactly who I claim to be. Not so brilliant after all, huh? Honey, the difference between you and me, I don't mind paying my dues. Do you? I'm not the one harping about religion and God when in truth, I know I am a sinner. Do you? Was it not you who wanted a traditional man who wouldn't "touch" you before marriage when you've oh so clearly been touched. Touched again and again and again. So, do you really, really want to play this game with me? Careful, darling. You've covered yourself with gallons of gasoline and now you're planning to light a match. I am one fired up woman you do not want to mess with. Just a friendly tip.

So, do yourself a favour and stop talking. Stop retaliating. Stop pretending that you can actually win in this situation. You do not have the stuff it takes to actually be a bigger Bitch than I already am (a title which you so proudly bestowed upon me and I even more proudly accepted). So, please. I am letting you walk away from this unscathed, in one piece and with your dignity intact.

The Bitch,

S.M.

Reel 'em in!

I'd watch it again. and again.

Epic.

One word.

Sexaaayyh!

In a Nutshell.

"Lady GaGa is a woman. She's only the biggest pop act to come along in decades. She's beyond refreshing, most theatrical performer of our generation and she changes her look faster than Britt changes sexual partners."

-Kurt Hummel, Glee S01E20.

Yea, what he said.

Skeletons.

Everyone has their skeletons in the closet.

A secret indulgence.

One you can never take pride in. Because no one could possibly understand.

What is it that you love to do behind closed doors?

Or better yet, What would you do if you had 100% assurance that no one would ever ever ever know?

What do you do/ Choose to do if you were sure no one would ever find out?

Leave your replies in the comment box. And yes, you are absolutely encouraged to remain anonymous.

This is going to be fun ;))

S.M

Imagine.

Imagine there's no heaven

It's easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people

Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people

Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will live as one

-John Lennon.

Snort.Snort.

It was love at first sight, wasn't it?

You tried it once, and now you're hooked.

That soft "ding" you hear whenever you get a new notification. Ahh, music to the ears. A sight for sore eyes at the end of a long day...well, any day, really.

Face it, you're a Facebook addict.

However, some of us love it more than others do. Myself included. And this, gives me solid credibility and confidence to write this post. ;)

I dub thee, the Facebook Whores.

1. You enjoy reading every detail of a person in his/her profile. In the event that a person forgets or leaves any detail out on purpose, you make little comments in your head about how this person is an idiot for doing so. You literally hate him/her for neglecting to complete their profile.

2. You crack your head day and night, trying to find the right sentence/catch phrase/part of a song/quote/fun fact/horrible news/good news to write as your status in Facebook. If no one comments/likes the status, you change it to a cooler one. You keep on changing it until you get some sort of response.

3. If you're single, you live for the thrill of looking at a person's relationship status and,clicking on the name of his/her other half. Then you curse at the fact that his/her other half's profile and photos are private. Now, your finger is just itching to click on the "ADD AS FRIEND" button just so you can see what they talk about. oh, and also to stalk their lovey dovey photos. The best part is, if you're friends with them, there's the "See wall-to-wall" option.

4. If you're in a relationship, you stalk the pages of other people who are also in a relationship, just to see if they're are as annoyingly in love as you are with your other half. And then, you start to compare wall posts. The "See wall-to-wall" option comes in handy in this case, too. Next, you look at nauseating photos of other couples, just to make sure yours are more nauseating.

5. You stalk the pages of the people you normally can't stand in real life, i.e. your "Frienemies"... just to laugh at the things they say on Facebook. Especially their statuses.

6. You use Facebook to keep track of the Ex.

7. You have multiple accounts so you can add someone you hate, so you can carry out activity #5.

8. You change your relationship status to "married" or "widowed"...and you do it just for kicks so that people will ask you, "OMG, what? Explain!" The more people comment, the more popular you feel and out of the millions of people on Facebook, oddly, you feel special. Doinks.

9. Filling out the "About Me" section on the left side of you profile is a daunting task. Because let's face it, it has to be something cool, yo!

10. Your profile picture has.got.to.kick.ass! It can't just be a random photo one would put on Friendster or MySpace. THIS.IS.FACEBOOK. So, whenever you're out with friends, or with your significant other, you can't wait to get that perfect shot for your profile picture. Nay, you actually pose and tell yourself "oh yeah, this is gonna make a killer profile picture".

11. The first question you ask someone after meeting them for the first time, "Hey, give me your e-mail, I'll add you in Facebook". If that other person says he/she doesn't have a Facebook account, you look at them as if they've just spoken to you in Swahili.

....and last but not least...

12. It's torture if you don't get access to Facebook at least once a day and the thing that bothers you the most is that you're worried what your "followers" might think if you don't update your status. "OMG, they might think I don't care about them." Sheesssh.

Love me or hate me, Whores...but you know I'm right..

S.M.

Quick Question.

What would drive a person to cheat on someone they love?

I've cheated before, no doubt about that. I had a valid reason. Don't believe me?

My boyfriend was a jobless, future-less, drug addict and I was faithful to him for 2 years. I snapped because he ended up in prison for 3 months. Still feel the need to argue with me?

But this ain't about me.

Boys and girls, I want to know YOUR reason for cheating on someone.

What would drive you to break the Cardinal Rule of every relationship, i.e. cheat on your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband?

Leave your replies in the comment box. If you want to remain anonymous, by all the means, do so. I live for the mystery.

Kisses, loves!

S.M

I won....again.

Fellow sinners,

Once again, things have worked their way out on their own. Turns out, I didn't have to stab anyone. I kept my hands clean while the one and only, great Universe carried out a plan it has plotted since the beginning of time. I didn't even have to move a finger. Well, that's not true. It did require a lot of tweets and status changes, but all in all, a good run.

Here are a few things you should know when trying to mess with me, and it's been proven to be true. You can ask my friends. Heck, ask my Mum. She knows too. Well, here it is;

1. I will never scream at you or try to make you feel bad for what you have done/will do to me. I believe the Universe can scream louder. ...and it has.

2. I will never slap/stab/strangle/hurt you in anyway because I know that'll just get me in trouble. I believe the Universe can slap/stab/strangle/hurt you more than I could ever be able to. ....and it has. How does that slap taste like, bitch?

3. I ALWAYS let things run its own course. My friends are always telling me to get even, but I never feel the need to. Because as long as YOU were the only who has done something wrong, then YOU will be the only one who is punished. The high road will forever be my option.

4. Angels really are watching over me. My dad said so. I thank him everyday for saying that because I know it to be true now. What can I say? Third time's a charm.

5. You really are whore/slut/bitch/cunt and you deserve what you got.

The difference now is, my darling, I'm not the only one who concedes to the fact that you're a whore and a half. Ahh yes, people talk, sweetie, you should know that.

Cheerio, dah-ling...it's been a blast.

S.M

Oh, honey...that's not what I said.

Here it is...

Things your ex OR your current girlfriend/wife has said to you and what she really means when she says it.

1. I'm just not good enough for you. You really do deserve better.

Translation: I deserve better. I seriously do not see us together in the future. I wouldn't want to settle for something less, when I can find someone wayyy hotter/smarter/richer/better in bed.

2. It's not you, it's me.

Translation: It's not me, it's definitely you.

3. I don't think I'm marriage material. I'm just not ready to commit. I don't think I'll ever be ready.

Translation: Oh, I would love to be in a committed relationship, and someday, get married and have children. Just NOT with you.

4. (Looking at a random hot guy) Oh look honey, wouldn't you say he looks nice?

Translation: OMFG, he's hot!!! Why can't YOU look more like that?

5. (Planning a wedding) I want an extravagant wedding, an exquisite dress, custom-made shoes, a 10-tier wedding cake, a brand new car, a house, a 4-week honeymoon in Europe and all those other things that I know you can't afford.

Translation: Sorry, no translation available. she really does want all those things and the more you can't afford it, the more enticing it looks to her.

6. Honey, let's skip the foreplay tonight. I just want you so bad!

Translation: No girl skips foreplay. This can either mean that she doesn't enjoy it with you, or you're a total booty call, which means that your girlfriend is a serial whore. Just sayin...

7. Awww, how cute do you look in your flip-flops and cargo shorts? My boyfriend's so awesome!

Translation: Seriously, you're wearing that for our date tonight? When/If we get married, I'm giving you lessons on how to dress up!

8. Baby, Amy's boyfriend bought her somethingreallyexpensivebutamazinglyawesome for their anniversary! Oh, she's so lucky.

Translation: You better get me something wayyy more awesome than that for OUR anniversary, you bum!

9. Do I look fat in this?

Translation: Tell me I look pretty, because I've been getting ready for the past hour just to impress you.

and.......

10. I love you.

Translation: She really does love you, she thinks you're awesome and she wants you to be the father of her children.

Cheers,

S.M

Running already, I see...

So many things to say,

So many hopes and dreams to squash,

So many souls to condemn,

So very little time.

Will be right back, Sinners.

Mark My Words.

Truly Diff'rent.

R.I.P

GARY COLEMAN

(FEBRUARY 8, 1968 - MAY 28, 2010)

Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis? ;)

Vini. Vidi. Vici.

I'll have to admit, I thought I was going to be just another tournament.

Looking at the teams that have registered, I thought we'd definitely be able to break into the Quarter-finals. At most, make it to the Semi-finals. However....

After screwing up my speech during the second round, I didn't think we'd have a chance. But we won that round. Things started to look better. But then again...

We lost the fourth round. Damn it! The next round was supposed to be silent. I was starting to accept the fact that we might not break after all. I'm sorry guys, I blew it. This time, it's definitely my fault.

Come Break Night..

"...and breaking 5th....KBM MOSBY!!!"

Oh, thank God..We broke!

There was still no reason to celebrate yet, we still had the Quarter finals to worry about.

And then Azim said to me, "I wanna see you win Arau Open. So I can die happy". Jeez, thanks for the pressure, much? Yeah, piece of cake...no problem, yo!.... NOT!

Quarters was versus IIUM. Quite undoubtedly, the most annoying and ignorant team in the tournament. Motion : This House Would Not Protect Greece's Economy. We were the Affirmative and we knew jack shit about the topic. God bless Noel and his WikiBrain. During the debate, the IIUM team kept on screaming "Shame! Shame!". Their complete lack of vocabulary skills annoyed me to the core. To add to it, they talked as loudly as I did DURING my speech. The nerve!!! Noel snapped, I snapped and more importantly, Addy snapped. Holy crap, they're annoying. Right there and then, I decided that if we lose to this team, I'd shoot myself. We debated our hearts out and yes, we won. S-H-A-M-E on you!

We sailed through the Semi-finals. Motion : TH Supports an Electoral System Based on Proportional Representation. No, we didn't win because the other team sucked, but because we were mostly running on adrenalin. This was my favourite round of the tournament. I was actually sure we were going to win. The finals was so close, we could see it, and we wanted it bad! and plus, I had to make sure Azim dies happy. LOL.

And then came finals. My worst nightmare had come true. We were up against UT Mara Shah Alam. The titans of the debating scene in M'sia. Oh dear God, help us through this. We were the Negative. Somehow, NOT being the Affirmative makes me feel a lot better. Motion : THW Command South Korea Armed Forces to Seek Military Reprisals Against North Korea.

Noel was SUPERB!

Addy was AWESOME!

I was pretty confident at that point. However, UT Mara had some convincing points as well. This was going to be tough. My stomach did flips every time I think about the results and it didn't help that we had to eat dinner first, listen to the BM finals first and a bunch of speeches. Ughh, I was a nervous wreck!

...the Champion for the English category of AROPSDEC 2010 is...

Universiti Teknologi Mara Kampus Bandaraya Melaka!

I couldn't believe my ears. Actually, I was pretty sure that I was in complete shock until Addy grabbed my shoulders and yelled "Finz, WE WON!!! WE WONN!!!"

Tears almost streamed down my face...but I held it in.

The moment I held that trophy in my hands, then it became real, only then did it not seem like a dream.

Noel and Addy, I'm truly honoured that we won this together! If I were allowed to choose when I wanted to win, and who I wanted my team mates to be, I would've chosen this exact moment and the both of you as the ones I share this with. Jebus is ours!!

Azim, thanks for being there throughout all the losses, the heartaches and the bitching I supplied in every tournament. You're the best and this trophy is as much yours as it is ours...you're truly a gem.

credits to Areej for the photo.

Psycho!

I have this nagging, annoying, stomach-tugging feeling that I might stab you one day...and enjoy it.

I'm just sayin...

Is THAT the Best You've Got?

There are moments in life when certain events occur that make you stop and think; Oh, wait…this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Somehow, somewhere, something goes wrong and you’re forced to stop dead in your tracks to recover, to heal and to reflect. If you deny that this has ever happened to you, then you’re either a toddler or you’re too old to even remember. Because the truth is, everyone goes through it. Be it a substantial period of hardship, or even a moment’s worth of distress. We’ve all seen its face...

…and we all think that it is the ugliest thing ever. Ever.

We come from different walks of life so that provides for different lifestyles, different needs, different expectations and altogether, different experiences. Therefore, what I find distressing/disturbing or what I would describe as being in a state of adversity would be totally different from what your opinion might be on the issue. For example, not being able to complete a particular assignment or task might be applicable to a student, perhaps, one who has nothing else to think about other than his studies. On the other end of the spectrum, not being able to provide for one’s family, to put food on the table or even to pay the bills might be the problem faced by a jobless, divorced mother of 6 children. You get the picture, don’t you?

Life is a rollercoaster, darling. Sometimes you’re up and the next minute you’re down. Don’t let it beat you.

Why do people keep saying that? I mean, is that supposed to make you feel better? FYI, rollercoasters are fun. Being knee-deep in shit, however, is no trip to Disneyland. Sheesh. Well, it doesn’t make me feel any better. It doesn’t even bandage the wound. What I’m saying is that, there is no “one size fits all” phrase that you can say to any Peter, Paul or Mary whenever their facing some agonizing times. The fact is; nobody handles any one situation the same way as other people do. Human beings are unique and so are our solutions to our problems.

That’s just the thing now isn’t it? The simple fact that we do go through times of hardship symbolizes the responsibility that we have to shoulder on as human beings. What? Did you really think we were put here, on this piece of land, so that we could go on with life without experiencing how precious it is? How frangible life can be? Having to struggle constantly reminds us that we have to remain vigil. To not take life for granted, to not miss opportunities, to not be complacent as life passes us by while we reap its benefits. No, there must be a price to pay. I believe so.

This isn’t for the faint-hearted. LOL.

Being in a state of adversity is like going through a tumble in your washing machine—very, very uncomfortable and you get a banging headache right after. It gets even harder when accompanied by one’s capricious refusal to acknowledge the fact that there is a problem present, and there needs to be a countering proposal. I mean, really, life throws a curve ball and you’re just going to sit there and hope that it misses you? Jeez, what a pussy.

Life’s like that, you know…it won’t let you rest. That’s a given. Ahh, but beware, the second you start doubting your ability to straighten the mess out, that’s when the real problem starts. Oh ye of little faith… Never. Never doubt your ability to find your way out of something that causes you pain and suffering. One should never allow one’s self to be crippled with self-pity and self-loathing. Come on, you’re better than that and you damn well know it!

A man is judged by the length and size of his penis. NOT!

How you overcome your state of dilemma is ultimately the measure of your will to keep on going, to keep on living and a testament to your courage to screw life in the ass and telling it to “take it like a man!” Well, that really is the point, isn’t it? You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with it! Stop moping around waiting and hoping for your life to get any better. Get off your ass and do something about it. No one’s promising you a full recovery. Please, get real. Life’s a bitch, always has been, always will be. But that’s my point—you must now be the bigger bitch. Wrestle the bull, and grab it by its horns. The bull will undoubtedly continue to struggle, but at least you’ll be on top of it.

Jyeah! Cyberspace-five!

You didn’t cyberspace-five, did you? Boo you!

I can tell you right now that if you Google “great stories of overcoming adversity”, you’ll come up with amazing feats of Paralympians, able to win gold medals despite their predicament, or children in war-ridden countries, surviving with virtually nothing to their name and not to mention the fear they dwell in every single day. Yes, there are 1000 and one stories on the subject. What’s yours? It might not be as legendary, or as riveting or as heart-felt as those other stories, but who’s to say yours doesn’t matter?

The point is; we all have one.

So losers, Suit Up!

It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.