My Man.

HAPPY FATHERS' DAY.

In my eyes... you're SUPERMAN.

Whammy.

My boyfriend's recently started to go the gym and eating healthy. So, now he's lost a gazillion kilos and he's looking kinnnndaa awesome. Inevitably, the girls at his office are starting to notice. He's having fun telling me all the stories of girls flirting with him at the office.

Boyfriend : Yesterday, I had two offers.

Me : Offers for what??

Boyfriend : From girls la. You know...

Me : U-huh...and what did these girls say, exactly?

Boyfriend : Alaa, you know la. They noticed I lost weight and....blablabla (insert trumpet sound).

Me : Ahhh, nice. Yesterday, one of my students asked me to marry him.

Boyfriend : --

teeheeeeee.

I love you bontot!

Girls Just Wanna...

Girls are the awesome-est, most amazing creatures on Earth. We really are. The world comes to a stop when we bat our lashes, men fall to our feet with the snap of our fingers, hurricanes are named after us, we're powerful, we're strong, we're gorgeous and oh-so-sexy and..*brakes screeching*

Phewwhh! Okay, awesome overload. Anyways, most of the time when we get together, women have the ability to talk for hours and hours on end, I'd like to think it's one of our superpowers. Maybe we were born that way, maybe we learnt it from our mothers, maybe aliens programmed us to be that way.

Whatever the case is, by nature, girls just wanna talk and our men can't help but stare and mutter - "What the hell do you people talk about?" Well...not that it's any of your business but we, girls, have plenty to talk about.

1. The OTHER Bitches.

At the top of the list is none other than the other bitches. The ones whom we'd like to think are peering into our awesome little circle, wanting to be one of us. In short- the girls we hate. Be warned, once we've started on this topic, it might possibly take one of us passing out/hale storm/the apocalypse for the conversation to actually stop. The conversation can cover many areas including her boyfriend, her job, her hair, her boobs, her social life, her sex life, what she says on facebook, the words that come out of her mouth, the things we wish we could do to her and the things we wish would fall on her head. Important stuff, you see.

2. The Boyfriend ;)

Of course, what girl doesn't absolutely love to gush about her boyfriend whenever she's with her girlfriends. This conversation however, has many levels and varies according to how long you've known your girl pals for. For example, BFFs would talk about EVERYTHING when it comes to their boyfriends. I mean everything. Girls who haven't known each other for a long time just tend to talk about boring stuff. For some girls, it becomes sort of an unspoken competition. Her boyfriend has to be better than her friends' boyfriends. You know someone like that, don't you?

3. Sex

"Girls talk about everything; size, shape, left or right leaning orientation, length, resemblance to historical figures such as Winston Churchill."

- Lily Aldrin & Robin Scherbatsky (How I Met Your Mother)

I think the quote pretty much sums it all up. Yes, boys. We talk about everything. But not to everyone, we're not idiots. When it comes to talking about sex, we girls only kiss and tell to our best friends. But still, you don't have to worry that much. Most of the time, when a girl talks about her romp in the sack with her man, she plays him up just a tad so that her friends will say "ohhhmagadd, your boyfriend did that?? I wish mine would". So you're probably a porn star in her friends' eyes by now. Just sayin'...

4. Body Issues

When it comes to our bodies, girls are not afraid of talking about it with each other. Nothing is taboo. Weird spots appearing, marks, gaining/losing weight, zits, grey hair, losing hair, stinky feet etc. Most of all, we loooove talking about our periods. But why? It's the same thing every month! Exactly! We Never get bored of it. Every month, you call your best friend to tell her your cramps are killing you and how you're PMS-ing and can't stop eating chocolates and deep-fried foods. The best part is, she listens to you because in a few days, she's gonna call you and tell you the same thing.

5. Mommy/Daddy Issues.

We love this one too. Who else can you call after you've just had a fight with Mom/Dad. Talking about it with other girls just makes us feel soo much better. Plus, they don't just listen, the KNOW what you're talking about and they KNOW how you feel. It's just the best feeling ever.

6. Work Stuff.

This is a no-brainer. Venting about having to work overtime without extra pay, the boss who is fussy, the secretary who thinks she's all that, the bitchy co-worker, the horny co-worker..the list just doesn't end.

7. Hopes and Dreams.

This is quite a vast topic. Numerous smaller issues can fall under this heading. For example; our dream wedding, our dream house, interior decoration, the perfect man, children and children's names (ohh yes, Sir), vacations we might never take, expensive things we can never buy, robbing a bank...heheh. You get the picure.

8. Reality Checks.

This only happens with BFFs. You decide your best friend's boyfriend is a loser, so you tell her you know she can do better. You're not studying/working hard enough and you're falling behind so your best friend slaps you back to reality. That dress makes you look fat, she'll tell it to your face. Those shoes make your feet look horrid, she won't let you buy them. You're spending waaaayy too much on something, she'll tell you to buy it later. ;)

So basically, these are the things we talk about when we're yapping away on the phone, or totally ignoring the boys whenever we say we want to double date*. As you can clearly see, every time we open our mouths, we damn well mean serious business. Hell. Yeah.

S.M.

*Double dating is only an excuse for girls to get together while not making their boyfriends feel left out. Don't believe me? Next time you're on a double date, pay attention to who's doing all the talking ;)

Sex is in the Air.

I have lost any/all patience to be nice. So I'd like to say I'm sorry for this post because it WILL offend you.

So I'm guessing you've all heard about this new thing called the Obedient Wives' Club (OWC)? If you haven't, shame. Well, this religious group called Global Ikhwan Sdn. Bhd. (they can call it a company all they want, it's a bloody cult if you ask me) have set up a club to promote their belief that wives, who don't service their men well, are the "root of the problem" when it comes to men getting involved in crimes like prostitution, rape and human trafficking. So what they are proposing is; to have wives act like "first class prostitutes" and "whores in bed" every time their husbands get horny and needs a good fucking. This will then "help curb the problem" because "a sexually-satisfied man" won't commit crimes and will be a good husband at home. *APPLAUSE*!!!

BULL.SHIT.

This proposal is totally wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to begin. Well, let's start with the obvious, shall we?

1. Wife = Prostitute/Whore

I'm not a wife, yet. But I am a woman. I have a mother, sisters and girlfriends whom I love. Do you know what it does to my mind and heart, and not to mention sanity, every time I think about MY FATHER TREATING MY MOTHER LIKE A PROSTITUTE? The media isn't saying it, because they have to be politically correct. Well fortunately, I don't have to be. DO YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT PROSTITUTES HAVE TO DO? Oh that's right, they did say "first class". DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER. The prostitution profession came into existence because:

Firstly, men who don't have wives wanted to get laid, so they figured; why not pay for it? and women figured, "I'm hot, I'm sexy and men want to pay me for sex, so why the hell not?"

Secondly, because a gazillion years ago, men decided they wanted to do freaky deaky stuff in the bedroom -- stuff they couldn't possibly imagine doing to their wives.

THAT IS WHY YOU PAY PROSTITUTES.

Because after you strip them off any dignity they have left, you leave a token of appreciation at the end of the night to make them think you were worth it. You don't even have to call in the morning to check on her. That's the deal. Fuck and Forget. Is that what you want women to be reduced to?

So their premise is basically saying that wives have to cater to their husbands' every beck and call, but to what limit? To illustrate my point--picture this, taking a dick up the ass. So, all you nice ladies in your tudungs and jubahs, if your husband wants you to take it up your ass, you'll let them because you're obedient? Last time I checked, that was HARAM. What about S&M stuff? Do you wanna get chained up, tied up, gagged and let your husband, the father of your children, whip your ass and while calling you names like "bitch", "whore", "slut", "cunt"? Oh, you'll do it because God forbid you get a husband who's a leather biter. Well, maybe you'd be fine with that as well, but what if that happens to your daughter? Imagine her soft, fair skin tainted with slashes and bruises all because she has to be obedient to her husband.

2. Blaming wives for errant husbands.

There was an article published in The Star -- a man beat his wife up using a pestle. That's right, a fucking lesung and the report said that it was because she refused to have lunch with him. The women from the OWC beg to differ, they claim that it was because he didn't get any the night before. So, after ALL THOSE YEARS of researching, preventing and protecting women from domestic abuse, the BRILLIANT, educated and oh-so-smart women at the OWC think they have a solution. Wives just need to fuck their husbands more so that they don't get beat up. Awesome. Easy, eh? So every counselling center/shelter for women should just have one simple tagline: No, it's not because YOU MARRIED AN ASSHOLE, it's because you're not putting out. Okay, honey? Now run along home to your husband and give him a good time.

I was never brought up in a family/society/culture that taught me women were beaten up because they were wrong. I've only ever seen that on TV, even that makes me want to puke. So now, ever so suddenly, these people are forcing upon us the fact that every time a wife gets hit on the head and bleeds on the floor in front of her children, it's her fault. Every time children get abused, punched, kicked and raped, let's blame the wife because she failed to spread her legs. Every time a mother loses her child to a brutal crime, wanting to know why, out of all the people on this Earth, why did her child have to be the one who dies? She doesn't have to look far for the reason, she can just blame the woman who couldn't manage to give her man a proper orgasm. That's why your baby died, because someone was horny. So all the while, we were punishing the wrong criminals? Is that it? All the while, what we needed was just to make sure that our men are happy in the sack? Then all our children will be safe? No more teenagers will be raped? No more kidnappings and killings? Awesome.

Where I stand: I do, ever so believe that sex is very important in marriage. We need to reproduce and we need to have a good time, win-win. However, pointing your finger to women needing to be more obedient to men so they won't commit crimes is just stupid. You claim to be educated and well-read but you don't really hear yourselves, do you? Furthermore, I don't think even Religion is a good enough excuse for this. I'm not so good with religion, but I do know that no religion condones treating women the way you have it in your minds.

Clearer picture? Read this: http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/6/12/nation/8886422&sec=nation

I especially love the part where they try to explain how they know what prostitutes have to do. I haven't laughed so hard in days. I'd love to know what books she read as a teenager. Grrrr. You sassy minx, you!