Grow a Pair!

So, I decided to give my friend, Atan*, a call...cuz I missed him, and wondered of he was around so we could hang out. I called, but he didn't answer. I received a call back a few minutes later...

Me : Hello!

His Girlfriend : Sapa nih? (oh yes, very very bitchy tone)

Me : (very shocked that it was her calling, but that's okay) Oh, Tipah* eh ni?

His Girlfriend : Oh... Fina eh? jap eh.. (from bitchy to guilty in 2 seconds. Dayyuum!)

WHAT THE FRAAAAK?

Dear Men,

If at any point of time in your relationship, you Girlfriend decides to answer your phone calls whenever a girl's name pops up on the screen, consider yourself pussy whipped and that your balls no longer belong to you and are safely tucked in her purse.

Just sayin'...

*names have been altered to protect those involved in this travesty.

We Need a Resolution.

A friend of mine wrote something about the Malaysian movie scene in his blog and it triggered something in my head. Funny how that happens. ;)

Actually, I have talked about this, but I figured. Nyehh, let's just keep talking about it until someone does something about it. Savvy?

Read his post here.

See, in my opinion, the reason why the Malaysian movie scene can't be anymore than it already is, is because of our incessant need to preserve the minds of our younger generation and also to not pollute our culture."Kita bukan mat salleh, ingat boleh buat suke hati ke? Kita ni orang Melayu! Ada adat, ada budi bicara, ada sopan santun!" And it is that kind of thinking that put us here in the first place, and that place, is the crapper. It is this attitude that programs us to fall in love with cheap slapstick comedies such as Atoi or movies about fast cars or our oh-so-beloved rempits (oh, don't get me started on this.)

Secondly, the reason why we're so lagging behind in this industry is the fact that we've been inherently programmed to NOT think outside the box lest we be penalised. Think about it. We make a movie about politics- we get slapped with the ISA. We make a movie about sex- the chances of that movie making it to the silver screen in Malaysia is slim to none and let's face it, the government won't approve of anything with sex in it, unless it happens in Harian Metro or Kosmo! or Mastika. Sheeshh. We make a movie about religion - well, remember the late Yasmin Ahmad's "Muallaf"? 'Nuff said. Even Singapore thought that was a great movie. Muallaf opened in S'pore TWICE. Yup, twice. Oh no wait, they did screen it in Malaysia AFTER she passed away. Too little too late, my friends. Allah bless her soul.

It is this cheap appreciation for honest-to-God movies like these that get us nowhere in the eyes of the world. Because it's not only about movies. Think about it, if you can't appreciate topics such as politics, religion or sex in movies, what does that say about you as a human being? What does that say about us as a society? Are we the type of people who sweep everything under the carpet in hopes that no one ever brings it up again? Well, that's what we're showing everyone.

And please, stop harping on culture and adat sopan santun. We know our limits. We're matured enough to think about what's wrong and what's right. No, I'm not saying we're ALL saints. I'm just saying, don't be so quick to assume that every time a teenager watches Sex and the City, he/she is immediately going to try being promiscuous. Puh-lease. If someone wants to have sex/smoke/get drunk/wear skimpy clothes, it's not because of the movies. I can bet you that!

Come on, grow up.

Funny thing.

I was thinking...we have many many many mutual friends on Facebook, don't we?

Well, by that logic, in order to read your Facebook statuses and ramblings (just in case I haven't laughed my ass off all week), I'd just need to seek help from any one of our mutual friends. and let's face it, they'd be more than willing. ;)

So, again, by that logic, you'd have to block out ALL of our mutual friends so that I wouldn't be able to read said statuses. Am I correct? Woah!! How many friends would that be?

Another option would be to just make everything private so that NO ONE can read it.

Better yet, delete all your friends so it'll just be like you're keeping an online diary. On Facebook.

*gasp!* You know what would be an even better option?

Delete your fucking account.

Keep a journal instead.

Just sayin'...

A Friendly Reminder.

I love witnessing the spectacle of someone digging herself a grave. A grave so deep that it would take her forever to find her way back to the surface.

Yes, I am talking about you.

Honey, I get it, you're defending yourself. And no, it's most definitely not wrong. I'd do it too if I were in your position.

But you see, what you're doing is what our forefathers dubbed "menggali kubur sendiri". Get it? The more you talk/post something online, the deeper you dig and let's face it, you're in waaaayyy deeper than you can handle. With every word you say, every character you type, you're shaving away your dignity piece, by painful piece and as a fellow female, I cannot let you do this to yourself. Well, someone has to be the smart one here, clearly, it's not you.

Why am I saying this? Well, because no matter how big of an idiot you are, we girls still have to stick together. You know? So yes, I do wanna help you, really. Because sweetheart, here are a few things you did wrong;

1. Any sane person knows that the more you keep trying to convince people that you are not desperate, that's how much more desperate you look.

2. Claiming that you are confident, strong, beautiful and independent every single damn day on your posts, really does make you sound weak and pathetic.

3. You so proudly claim that you cannot be controlled by anyone other than the Almighty God Himself and yet, with every single blow from us mere mortals, you seem to have broken piece by piece of your sorry life. (Seriously? Blocking me from your Facebook account? Shheessshh. Last time I checked, I ain't God.)

4. Your English is atrocious.By that reason alone, please spare us the nightmare of having to correct your spelling and grammar in our heads. Even more so, stop humiliating yourself dear ENGLISH TEACHER. (BTW, there is no such thing as being too trustful. Just sayin'...)

The list can go on for hours and hours, but you see, I still mean it, I do wanna help you. I shall stop here.

I know your battle plan. Play the oh-so-vulnerable victim, and see who sympathises with you. Brilliant! Paint me to be the bitch, the slut who sleeps with any walking dick I find. Go ahead. But you see, all these things you say about me are, well, true. So kudos! You're killing me by telling everyone that I am exactly who I claim to be. Not so brilliant after all, huh? Honey, the difference between you and me, I don't mind paying my dues. Do you? I'm not the one harping about religion and God when in truth, I know I am a sinner. Do you? Was it not you who wanted a traditional man who wouldn't "touch" you before marriage when you've oh so clearly been touched. Touched again and again and again. So, do you really, really want to play this game with me? Careful, darling. You've covered yourself with gallons of gasoline and now you're planning to light a match. I am one fired up woman you do not want to mess with. Just a friendly tip.

So, do yourself a favour and stop talking. Stop retaliating. Stop pretending that you can actually win in this situation. You do not have the stuff it takes to actually be a bigger Bitch than I already am (a title which you so proudly bestowed upon me and I even more proudly accepted). So, please. I am letting you walk away from this unscathed, in one piece and with your dignity intact.

The Bitch,

S.M.

Reel 'em in!

I'd watch it again. and again.

Epic.

One word.

Sexaaayyh!

In a Nutshell.

"Lady GaGa is a woman. She's only the biggest pop act to come along in decades. She's beyond refreshing, most theatrical performer of our generation and she changes her look faster than Britt changes sexual partners."

-Kurt Hummel, Glee S01E20.

Yea, what he said.

Skeletons.

Everyone has their skeletons in the closet.

A secret indulgence.

One you can never take pride in. Because no one could possibly understand.

What is it that you love to do behind closed doors?

Or better yet, What would you do if you had 100% assurance that no one would ever ever ever know?

What do you do/ Choose to do if you were sure no one would ever find out?

Leave your replies in the comment box. And yes, you are absolutely encouraged to remain anonymous.

This is going to be fun ;))

S.M

Imagine.

Imagine there's no heaven

It's easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people

Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people

Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will live as one

-John Lennon.

Snort.Snort.

It was love at first sight, wasn't it?

You tried it once, and now you're hooked.

That soft "ding" you hear whenever you get a new notification. Ahh, music to the ears. A sight for sore eyes at the end of a long day...well, any day, really.

Face it, you're a Facebook addict.

However, some of us love it more than others do. Myself included. And this, gives me solid credibility and confidence to write this post. ;)

I dub thee, the Facebook Whores.

1. You enjoy reading every detail of a person in his/her profile. In the event that a person forgets or leaves any detail out on purpose, you make little comments in your head about how this person is an idiot for doing so. You literally hate him/her for neglecting to complete their profile.

2. You crack your head day and night, trying to find the right sentence/catch phrase/part of a song/quote/fun fact/horrible news/good news to write as your status in Facebook. If no one comments/likes the status, you change it to a cooler one. You keep on changing it until you get some sort of response.

3. If you're single, you live for the thrill of looking at a person's relationship status and,clicking on the name of his/her other half. Then you curse at the fact that his/her other half's profile and photos are private. Now, your finger is just itching to click on the "ADD AS FRIEND" button just so you can see what they talk about. oh, and also to stalk their lovey dovey photos. The best part is, if you're friends with them, there's the "See wall-to-wall" option.

4. If you're in a relationship, you stalk the pages of other people who are also in a relationship, just to see if they're are as annoyingly in love as you are with your other half. And then, you start to compare wall posts. The "See wall-to-wall" option comes in handy in this case, too. Next, you look at nauseating photos of other couples, just to make sure yours are more nauseating.

5. You stalk the pages of the people you normally can't stand in real life, i.e. your "Frienemies"... just to laugh at the things they say on Facebook. Especially their statuses.

6. You use Facebook to keep track of the Ex.

7. You have multiple accounts so you can add someone you hate, so you can carry out activity #5.

8. You change your relationship status to "married" or "widowed"...and you do it just for kicks so that people will ask you, "OMG, what? Explain!" The more people comment, the more popular you feel and out of the millions of people on Facebook, oddly, you feel special. Doinks.

9. Filling out the "About Me" section on the left side of you profile is a daunting task. Because let's face it, it has to be something cool, yo!

10. Your profile picture has.got.to.kick.ass! It can't just be a random photo one would put on Friendster or MySpace. THIS.IS.FACEBOOK. So, whenever you're out with friends, or with your significant other, you can't wait to get that perfect shot for your profile picture. Nay, you actually pose and tell yourself "oh yeah, this is gonna make a killer profile picture".

11. The first question you ask someone after meeting them for the first time, "Hey, give me your e-mail, I'll add you in Facebook". If that other person says he/she doesn't have a Facebook account, you look at them as if they've just spoken to you in Swahili.

....and last but not least...

12. It's torture if you don't get access to Facebook at least once a day and the thing that bothers you the most is that you're worried what your "followers" might think if you don't update your status. "OMG, they might think I don't care about them." Sheesssh.

Love me or hate me, Whores...but you know I'm right..

S.M.

Quick Question.

What would drive a person to cheat on someone they love?

I've cheated before, no doubt about that. I had a valid reason. Don't believe me?

My boyfriend was a jobless, future-less, drug addict and I was faithful to him for 2 years. I snapped because he ended up in prison for 3 months. Still feel the need to argue with me?

But this ain't about me.

Boys and girls, I want to know YOUR reason for cheating on someone.

What would drive you to break the Cardinal Rule of every relationship, i.e. cheat on your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband?

Leave your replies in the comment box. If you want to remain anonymous, by all the means, do so. I live for the mystery.

Kisses, loves!

S.M

I won....again.

Fellow sinners,

Once again, things have worked their way out on their own. Turns out, I didn't have to stab anyone. I kept my hands clean while the one and only, great Universe carried out a plan it has plotted since the beginning of time. I didn't even have to move a finger. Well, that's not true. It did require a lot of tweets and status changes, but all in all, a good run.

Here are a few things you should know when trying to mess with me, and it's been proven to be true. You can ask my friends. Heck, ask my Mum. She knows too. Well, here it is;

1. I will never scream at you or try to make you feel bad for what you have done/will do to me. I believe the Universe can scream louder. ...and it has.

2. I will never slap/stab/strangle/hurt you in anyway because I know that'll just get me in trouble. I believe the Universe can slap/stab/strangle/hurt you more than I could ever be able to. ....and it has. How does that slap taste like, bitch?

3. I ALWAYS let things run its own course. My friends are always telling me to get even, but I never feel the need to. Because as long as YOU were the only who has done something wrong, then YOU will be the only one who is punished. The high road will forever be my option.

4. Angels really are watching over me. My dad said so. I thank him everyday for saying that because I know it to be true now. What can I say? Third time's a charm.

5. You really are whore/slut/bitch/cunt and you deserve what you got.

The difference now is, my darling, I'm not the only one who concedes to the fact that you're a whore and a half. Ahh yes, people talk, sweetie, you should know that.

Cheerio, dah-ling...it's been a blast.

S.M